It feels so good to let it out, but that does not exclude the guilt you get. The thought, of knowing that you’ve hurt a soul while trying to save your own, makes you feel so guilty. I’ve let it out, but not everything, because it took me a while to gather my thoughts, it wasn’t as easy as it had been when I told Nisah and Mun the other day. My mind was all over the place, how was I supposed to know I was going to spill today? It was almost gibberish and unstructured. And so I spat whatever few points I had in mind. God I feel so guilty for hurting a soul. But saving mine was something else. But I was grateful to find my self calm, almost cool as the sea breeze. I guess that’s just me, it tortures me when the person is in absence, and it gives me peace to talk in the presence.
I was really hyper today, to the extent that the energy drink I bought so I can focus on my work did not do what I thought it would do. I ended up being too hyper and too happy to even do a tad bit of work. So I procrastinate some more, web-cammed with a couple of people, and record a silly video, and other silly things. What the heck? Think I should just stick to coffee, which has been losing its toll on me, or it has simply stopped working on me? I just hope and hope that I do good this year. I honestly admit that this year is so screwed up, with everything so different. With one lecture being so short and simple, just an hour long, with so much and so many talking and yapping, but when you go home, and see what the lecture has been on, it actually covers one huge gigantic topic that covers perhaps 30 pages of small-font boring texts.
I can’t even afford to faint, nor even see the need to complain. All the busies I have been putting on are real, busy on the struggles I have to put up with. Oh what am I saying? I have got to sleep now, I have to be up early, collect my assignment which I hope I did good, or at least not bad. And go to lectures, and put up on some good spirit. Lets get going (: