closer

Alhamdulillah 93% may not be bad, for that extremely tedious QM assessment, but but but, sigh, never mind. I even find it difficult to complain about my grades, realising that it could’ve been worse. And all I feel is simply gratitude. I have been very grateful. The ups and downs of life here are so obvious, that I’ve seen myself deteriorate at some points, and improve. So clear. I have cried and laughed, and in fact I’ve never cried so much before. Life is just so different now than before, that now you do things differently, and react differently to it, like cry? Right, it ain’t cool, okay? I have discovered my weakness, but I’ve found my strength too. I’ve learned to be stronger. I’ve grown stronger.

I’ve lost something and I’ve gained something. I work things out, pick myself back up, to escape those that drag me down. But hey, isn’t it better to be stronger than to escape? Not that those people are mean and nasty, nor do they bully me. No, they are amazing. I have to protect my own faith. It has always been about God and faith. I was raised that way. People may not see it, because I don’t show it. The way they live life is just so free, that it scares me. The exploitation of their liberty. The hypocrites, and their ignorance. Don’t talk about God when all you do is shit, it disgusts me. And sometimes I refrain myself from talking about God because of the filth in the things I do too. Sometimes I see myself too filthy to even utter anything so holy. But I admit, here and now, having gone through all the dramas, seeing how people live their lives and meeting all these wonderful people, has brought me closer to God (:

I smile everyday now. Assalamualaikum (:

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