I can no longer be disciplined..

I feel so happy today. Shoved my dirty laundry in the machine, made my self honey water, exactly honey AND water, that is. My throat can’t stop making me cough, that’s why. Woke up to my digital clock saying 7++ and my phone started ringing and all. A good beautiful sleep, turning in at 12 noon and waking up at 7 in the evening after a long night and a very hyper morning at the library makes me feel so good. I may have covered only 3 topics last night, but they were all big topics. So it wasn’t that bad I guess. I’d rather do those assignments those Northumbrian friends of mine are currently doing to be honest. Seronok.

I feel awesome right now. I want to keep this feeling going. Oh I had this on draft a few days ago, didn’t get to post it up (:

“… I still break down every now and then, and I will not pretend to be okay when I’m not. I’ve gone soft on the inside of this hard solid shell of mine, don’t judge. Once in a while I could feel anger flowing back into me again, just when I thought it has left me in peace. But hey, what do I know? Talking to people makes you realise more than what you know. And I was raging on the inside. How can I expect myself to recover that quickly from what I’ve been going through?

This house has too many silent dramas, vibrant gossips. Hidden pain. Piles of sin. A lot of support, and unexpressed, sincere love. And betrayal? Betrayal, invisible to the naked eyes. Like a disease. It kills you on the inside. It takes time to recover. Only certain words can make you heal.

One person can break this house apart. One person can lie so well. He lies to the world and he lies to himself. False pretence. Keep your words, get yourself together, boy. Hold on to your promises, get a grip. Your wall has gone down, you don’t have to pretend anymore. You’ve ran out of chances. I’ve ran out of patience. And I have no trust to offer you. I will always forgive you, don’t get me wrong. But chances are scarce. You are so ruined. What are you? For once stop lying. Such a coward, you lie to yourself, you lie to the world. You lie to the people around you. Your life is based on lies. Why are you so afraid of the truth? I jeopardised my self to be your friend. I feel sorry they’ve kept their distances from you. And now I see. I’ve learned the hard way. You claw at the backs of the people who dare come near you, to care for you, and to offer you company. Those fake decent acts no longer work. You look like a fool now. Please stop knocking on my door…”

I may not be sad an melancholic now, but I meant it all. And it still does apply now. Hey, it’s time to get my laundry out of the machino. I’ll start my revision once I’m done with the whole laundry thing. I need to get some detergent, we’ve completely ran out of detergent. And somebody’s cleaned the dishes, the sink isn’t flowing with dirty dishes any more. God bless you (:

Assalamualaikum.

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