Think Twice

Did I not warn myself to stay out of trouble this year? I don’t know why, how or what makes them want to be so close to me. I am so tired. It makes me wonder, it makes me think, what is it that they want from me? Are my guards too high or am I simply thinking too much? I’d like to think that I am simply taking care of myself. As simple as that.

I am not ready for another relationship, I am not ready to attach myself to anyone just yet. Because I am not ready to trust. I was surrounded by men everyday for 10 months. They became my buddy, my brothers, my homeboys, and I get to see how each of them think. I understood them. Sometimes it scares me, the way they think, what they want, and what they do. How they work their way to gain a woman’s trust pushes me to put up my guards higher. I am an observer.

People say, take risks. I know. But I just want to stay out of trouble this year. Stay in one piece. I’m too tired to be cleaning any mess of my own. I have to have a clear cut vision, of what I want and what I don’t want. I’ve finally reached the phase where I am sick and tired of all the attention. Some people may not understand. It is exhausting, to reject people, to avoid, to escape, to be nice, to pretend. To be patient. Sometimes I just want to run.

Only if I could read their minds. What do you really want? I’m not going to let you hold my hands. Assalamualaikum.

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