I feel awful, and extremely below normal. Its snowing outside, and no, it’s got nothing to do with me being like this. I am sick, down with a fever, and possibly also, with a flu on top of it. I miss home, I miss mama and bapa. And for some reasons things are just horrible. I should be patient, but it seems like I’ve forgotten what that means for the last many days or weeks, or even months. Its what I lived by every single day. What has happened to it now?

I have to start all over again, fresh new start. Which used to always start on each and every new day. Have I lost myself. I have to start seeing someone, don’t you think? Haha! Cos I know “love” has always kept me at peace. And no, I am not at peace at all, am I filled with anger? Well I don’t know, but I do know I am mad at someone who keeps popping up in my life, routinely. And I could even be tangled up in between love and hate. Something I would always like to deny myself. But the thing is, I don’t know how hate is like. Such a strong word, and I know it has not gone up to that extreme. And it is extremely impossible for me to love such a kind of boy. Hence I do know it is neither. I am just mad.  Anyway. I need to take a deep breath, and scream while exhaling.


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