OKAY. So I guess I may not have any real ability to stand “on my own” and be left alone in this world which requires us to say no or any sort of rejection. I am my mother’s daughter. I guess, mama never had this kind of exposure, never had to face all these dramas and people, never had to deal with this corrupted side of the world. She never strayed too far away. What was she to know, how the world today is like? I grew up in a soft, warm environment – That, what I’ve been going through, was not something I always knew how to handle. Is it right to say I was never prepared for this ride? Perhaps. But I am living. And this chaos, is sometimes interesting and somewhat exciting, and sometimes — disgusting. I’m flying. I have my wings spread out. Its up to me now, to go against the wind. Now, my friends, such a blessing. Like I’ve said, they keep my senses within reach. They talk to me. I take it and I try. Sounds easy, but when it is against my norm, it is difficult. My norm is, softness. But this environment is viscous. And when you have to play it harsh, it becomes a thrill.
I am learning. I am living life. Alhamdulillah, for I know God is always near me. Because every time, there is fear. I fear, because I love. I don’t want to lose God’s love for me. He guides me in my mind, in my heart. When I ignore it, there is that fear. Don’t take Your hand away, for I need it to guide me.