I am starting to get anxious, somewhat nervous. Each time I think about where and what I will be in the next few months. I am thrilled, or maybe excited, or maybe something in between. I am not quite sure, exactly. I spent almost four years of my life away from the tropical heat, away from the need to be driven around, the need for permissions. Besides the need to get my driving license done and over with, I don’t know what I will be doing. I’m going to miss the bus rides. Personally, I would say everything is so convenient here. Mainly due to the fact that I am free from half of the obligations and responsibilities that I have when I am back. Like, family events that never seem to stop. Okay, maybe ‘obligations and responsibilities’ aren’t the right words for that. But anyway, I am not complaining. Its just that, I know that I need to be mentally prepared for the lack of freedom. Living with parents versus living on my own. See?
I have been procrastinating endlessly, buying things online like money grow on trees. Buying books like I am on a vacation. Well, its not wrong or anything. But come on, I buy two novels every other week, and haven’t even finished reading the first book I bought when I first got here in September, 2012? I get excited and get them almost immediately, regardless of time suitability. Like two weeks ago when Dan Brown’s Inferno was launched; my heart was beating so fast I got a copy almost immediately, and that was a week before my first paper?
I have a meeting tomorrow with my dissertation supervisor. And I am supposed to be working on my dissertation right now. So okay. Until next time.
Have I mentioned about how concerned I am about my dissertation? If I have, then this is going to be annoying. I don’t usually bother myself with whatever that has or have passed – where there is nothing that I could do to change. So this dissertation-brooding is somewhat exceptional. I am not very sure why. But I feel slightly nervous. This adverse feeling is just annoying me, so I might as well write about it and see where it gets me. Sometimes writing helps me realise how useless this is and helps knock some sense into me. I am not the kind that whines and wastes my energy about the past – So this is just so weird. Although I am thankful that my worry is very slight. Like a feeling of discomfort, you know, anxiety? Though I don’t feel it all the time, only sometimes when something reminds me of it, and then when it triggers me to reminisce those chaotic days of hard-labour. Out of all projects and assignments, my dissertation had to be the one that I don’t feel too confident about. How tragic is that?
I have not logged in to Facebook for a couple of days now, and not even Tumblr. Very impressive. Alhamdulillah. But I’ve been blogging more than ever. But that’s fine. I should get back to revision now.
Assalamualaikum. Hello? I am procrastinating for all I know. I am not quite sure what this post is going to be about but, well see. I am still doing my Event Management revision, more specific – structuring my answers. I am going to be beat revising one semester worth of Advanced Marketing Communication materials. Anyway, I’ve been feeling so warm lately, like beautiful warm. Lets just say, wonderful (:
I am so extremely nervous when I think about my dissertation. If you know me very well I take pride in my own work, and you can feel my confidence flow through my words. But with my dissertation – I just don’t know. InsyAllah. There are other things that I am insanely panicking about. Packing my stuff for shipment, and applying for my masters. I haven’t done anything that could guarantee my security.
Wow. I have really let myself lose this year huh? What happened to organising? (;
Surprisingly I am not surprised that I got a tragic 55 for analytical technique. A little bit surprised though because I put more effort (comparatively) in this one than my previous factor analysis assignment which I got a mere 61 if I am not mistaken. Both are ridiculously pedestrian to my standards, but god damn it, final year has not been very easy. Somehow assignment instructions and requirements are increasingly becoming more and more vague and tend to become rather subjective. Essentially no body knows what the lecturers want. Oh hell, we do ask. Apparently we did what we are told, even beyond what we were expected to do. One thing I learned from my previous assignment was that I did what was beyond the requirement, so I got penalised. And then the next one, you try to do what you are expected to do, you get a stab to the brain. Haha! So I am not really sure what they want, I am sorry I am no literature student with Shakespeare’s ears and tongue to unravel their seeming understandable instructions into something with a deeper meaning. This is what I meant with vague. Its vague to our intelligence.
Nonetheless. My next two exams – well to be precise these are my only two exams, seem rather terrifying. I am not quite sure what exactly is expected of me. Its so weird. I am not sure if I am just clueless or just these questions are very straight forward. But due to my very tragic cluster analysis grade, it has fueled me. I need to complement it with killer grades. The only two things I am left with most control over. My dissertation on the other hand is freaking me out. Which I shall maybe talk about some other time.
I need to bleed all over my revision. And write bloody murder. InsyAllah I shall get killer grades.